Juke Kartel ~ Drink, Drank, Drunk

It’s been awhile since I saw the show I’m writing about. Long enough that Juke Kartel has had a bunch of hits, broken up at their peak, the members explored solo careers, and the guys got back together for their own version of a Hell Freezes Over reunion tour. Okay so it hasn’t been that long but it feels like a long time ago. Last November. A thousand years. Time is relative to the one it relates to.

I’ve been to several shows since the Juke Kartel show. Another Juke show when they opened for the now defunct Supernova, or Rock Star Supernova, or whoever they ended up being. I’ve also been to see Blue October, Buckcherry and Kill Hannah so in theory I could talk about them. But that violates my stupid self-imposed rule of order. So I’m going to try to remember stuff and write about Juke.

The show was in Lawrence, Kansas and I could drive to it without too much trouble. Well it did rain for the first couple of hours of the drive and while going through Kansas City I was routed through a maze of interstate construction that greatly confused me. I suppose I should admit that I’m easily confused when it comes to directions and driving but I’ll get to that. I arrived pretty close to my estimated arrival time so I felt victorious. (It takes so little for me.) I was meeting a group of my fellow Rockband Juke Kartel fans, or Hoochies as we were once called, at the show and I was excited to finally see them face to face after chatting online for months.

I got to downtown Lawrence and called a Rockband girl because while I was organized enough to get directions to my destination in general, I hadn’t gotten carried away and gotten specific. I was told where to valet my car at the hotel, and where the girls were eating lunch nearby. I somehow still had to call two more times before I made it to their table at the restaurant. I sat and met three girls for the first time. The girls were finishing their lunch and offered to sit with me while I ate, but food wasn’t high on my list of priorities for this trip. They were ready to go therefore so was I.

The girls had already driven by the venue but I wanted to see where the action was going to be taking place so we walked there. We went inside to look around and find out opening times and talk to the bartender. We wandered back outside and there was a tour bus. While I knew Juke didn’t have a bus I didn’t know Whitestarr did until the other girls told me so. As the boys from Whitestarr came tumbling out of the bus, I grabbed one girl and we walked up to the guys and said hello. We told them we would be seeing them at the show and we introduced ourselves all around. We pointed out the venue entrance to them and then we headed to the back entrance to write suggestive comments and outrageous lies on the highly decorated back door. Okay that was more me, the other girls posted flyers about Juke on the front and back entrances. As we were walking out of the alley the Whitestarr guys saw us and asked if we knew any good places to eat lunch. We gave them a couple of suggestions based totally on proximity having no personal knowledge but that seemed fine with them. Then another girl and I asked them if they knew where JK was. They told us they weren’t here yet. When we expressed surprise that they hadn’t made it to Kansas yet they corrected us and said they hadn’t made it to the venue yet because they were still at the Holiday Inn. You have to love the helpfulness of those boys! We decided to make a quick trip to the Holiday Inn because the girls who had the cute flyers wanted to stick some on the van that Juke was driving.

We took off to do just that but got a little sidetracked. One of the girls needed some hair spray. Due to the airline regulations she hadn’t brought hers. Thus began the great hair spray hunt. It needed to be a specific brand and after snagging the phone book from the hotel room and making some calls we got a location for the elusive spray. We were off. We were lost. Lawrence’s street names confused us. And by us I mean me. It was the combination of everyone talking and no one paying attention to the street signs until they were already past. Or it was me. Eventually we found the shop and then got lost again on the way to the Holiday Inn. I had been honest about the fact that while I was happy to drive but I was seriously directionally impaired. I don’t think anyone understood the true nature of my condition at first but soon I had made believers of them all. Once they were converted I began to be given detailed instructions. Put me in a mall I’m like a blood hound and can find anything but put me behind the wheel of a car and I’m like a nose-less mouse in a maze. We found the Holiday Inn and circled the lot but alas, no van. We headed back to the venue. You would have thought I knew the way to go by now. You would have been wrong.

I parked in a city lot by the venue and we decided we desperately needed some drinks. Needed. I’m sure it had nothing to do with us getting lost repeatedly. It was more a thirst for flavor. Yep, that’s it. We entered a friendly Mexican restaurant adjacent to the club and had chips and margaritas. I may have had a couple and maybe I should have eaten lunch because in no time I was in my happy place. The girls decided we should either check the club to see if the Jukes were there or head back to our hotel. We walked out of the door and right in front of the club was the Juke van and standing outside the van was Tommy, the bass player for Juke. Please remember I was in my happy place. I’m not offering this up as a excuse, just a reminder. I immediately began to walk determinedly toward Tommy and yelled something to him along the lines of, “Hey Tommy, the Hoochies have arrived!” I heard someone behind me mutter, “This isn’t exactly how I pictured this going down.” Whoops. When I’m in my happy place I love everyone and want to meet them.

Tommy was friendly and as nice as could be. He walked us into the venue to meet the rest of the band. All the guys were sweet and gracious. I may have been a little boisterous because someone asked me if we’d already been drinking. I said just a little. At that point someone suggested we all have a drink. Being easy I agreed. We sat around and talked and had a great time. I would love to give details but I’m not entirely clear on some of them. I remember some specific things but out of context they just make me seem like a mouthy oddball and I’m trying to develop a sophisticated and mature image. No really I mean it!

I did manage to remember to give Tommy a little gift I had for him in my car. We went out to get it and while wandering back I began to do the math on how long I’d left my car in the time restricted lot. It shouldn’t have been that hard but I’ve found that downing tequila can interfere with math ability. I realized that I was over the time limit and earlier I had noted that Lawrence seemed to be frustratingly diligent in policing their lots judging from the tickets I saw stuck on windshields. Damn. I asked the girls if one of them would drive my car to the hotel for me. Cause while I was happy I wasn’t stupid and knew not to drive. The hotel was only a couple of blocks away anyway. They all looked at me like I’d grown wings and asked them to come fly with me. Okay so they’d been drinking too. I turned to the nearest Juke boy and asked if he’d drive my car. Toby said sure and another girl jumped up to go with us on our short jaunt. Probably a good thing cause knowing me I could’ve gotten us lost in those two blocks. Toby pulled into the valet spot, gave the guy the keys and we walked back to the bar. What a sweet guy! We went inside and the rest of the Jukes were beginning sound check. We stayed and listened to them for a bit and then decided we should head back to the hotel and get ready.

We got to our room chatted and primped and got in concert mode. We walked back to the same little Mexican joint and sat down and had a drink. Are y’all sensing a theme here? It was a slightly alcohol filled day. It’s not like any of us were drinking alone though so it’s all good. About ten minutes before the doors were supposed to open we went to the venue. There was a small line to get in. I started talking to some people in line and one girl pointed out that the doors should have been open by then and further that she needed to use the bathroom. I walked to the doors, pulled one open and yelled that it was past opening time and we had a girl desperately needing to pee. At this point even I admitted that I might have had a little too much to drink. Just maybe. The door dude looked at me, sort of shrugged and said to go ahead and come in. So we filed inside. This is where things get a bit fuzzy. I know you’re saying “again” to yourself, but yep, fuzzy. I know I had a good time! I almost always have a good time. I know I talked to the Jukes again. I remember some of the conversations, yet again some are not suitable for sharing. I also remember meeting a lot of people in the bar. Way too many to recall names. But a lot of really great peeps. It’s lame how much I love everyone when I’m drinking but it’s who I am so that’s that. I do remember meeting another girl who posted with us at Rockband and she was slightly trashed as well and we had a hell of a good time. When I talked to her not too long ago she reminded me that I had dragged her around and introduced her to all the Juke boys. Sadly I don’t remember that. That’s usually a bad sign isn’t it?

On to the show. Um yeah. That lack of recollection is troubling. I feel confident in saying that Juke rocked the place. And there were two bands that played before them. Whitestarr and Driveblind. They were probably really good too. I’m sure they played. I know I talked to Eddie, the JK drummer, about one band as they were playing so I know they played. I guess to be honest this isn’t a concert review as much as it’s a concert guess. A concert hypothesis. The show rocked (I think) and I had a blast (I’m sure) and the entire evening was terrific (I just know).

After the show most of the crowd hung around the bar. For some unknown reason several people seemed to think I actually knew the Jukes personally. Or maybe they just all wanted to talk to me due to my winning personality and sparkling wit. Or maybe it was because I was loud and friendly and a little pushy. Of the choices I prefer the former explanation. Either way I think I introduced a lot of people to various remember of JK. I say think because it’s not perfectly clear to me. Still I had fun and the boys were all nice no matter how often I came dragging someone over to meet them. The bar began to empty and then it was last call. We had to leave. The girls and I walked back to the hotel after saying goodbye to everyone. We got back to our room and stumbled into bed. We giggled like teenagers as we talked in the dark. Making fun of each other and talking about the show. I slept soundly but much too shortly and we all woke up bleary-eyed but still in good moods. I headed home in my exhausted and slightly hung over state feeling completely satisfied. I had a fantastic time. These type of trips are all about live music, meeting friends and having a fun time in my opinion and I scored on all counts. I love this kind of stuff. I want to do it again and soon!

Maybe I’ll get in gear and rip through my other concert experiences since I finally got this one down. Then I can take another trip without feeling the pressing weight of guilt from not having caught up on my stories. Who am I kidding? If I want to go I’ll go. In fact the next couple of months look wide open to me. I wonder who’s playing in a fun city. I wonder who's up for travel. I wonder if anyone else is feeling the urge ...

INXS ~ It's Beautiful

I don’t know how to begin. However, I know this is going to be long so I’ll just get started. I recently traveled to Florida to see INXS with a fellow fan. The entire four day trip was so supremely fantastic that this may sound made up. And I know I’m the queen of making shit up, but y’all it really was incredible. Sunday started out as a normal day, which of course meant I was running late. But I made it to the airport with time to spare. How that happened I don’t know, but apparently the god of Jasonology was smiling down on me because things went perfectly from then on. The quasi-cute security guy who checked my ticket and id asked me out to dinner whenever I got back and said I was a doll. I thanked him and told him he was starting my trip on a perfect note. Really, how great was that? I sat beside normal people on the plane who did not want to tell me about their recent gallbladder surgery or how their sister in law’s Thanksgiving turkey would be drier than an old shoe. I got off the plane in Orlando and called my fellow Snarker, JustJules, on my cell and we talked as I walked toward where she was waiting in an airport bar. We saw each other across the way and both screamed. People stared, we hugged, continued talking and pretty much didn’t stop from that moment on.

We went to the rental car shuttle area and our kind driver, Henry decided that instead of waiting for other people like he was supposed to do, he would take us on straight to the lot. Kind Henry got a good tip. We went to the rental car reservation desk and Ham chatted with us about our plans and decided we needed a good deal on a smoking hot car. Can I tell y’all that I love Ham? Seriously. He gave us a reduced rate on a brand spanking new Corvette convertible. It was beautiful. I’m not a car nut, but I appreciate a pretty car. This car was incredible and drove like a dream. Thanks Ham. We got in the car, took off and both started laughing. This was going to be good. When we got to the security booth where the attendant checks the car’s paperwork, the guy said that this was his dream. We both agreed that the car was perfection. He corrected us and said that he meant two babes in a hot car. Dammit if the men of Florida weren’t determined to keep us in a good mood. We batted our eyelashes, thanked him and motored away.

We got to the hotel, unpacked, got settled then went for a drive around town. We ate at a seafood restaurant the hotel concierge recommended and had a delicious meal. We went back to the hotel and planned our strategy for the next few days. We were driving to Hollywood, Florida the next day for the INXS show at the Hard Rock Live and we decided to get up early enough to enjoy the drive at whatever pace we chose to go. It was a good thing too because in our initial rush to get out of town we got caught up in construction zones and we had to backtrack and find new ways to get to our intended route. After that mess was dealt with, we began zooming along. We took turns driving on the freeway because the car was so much freaking fun to drive, but we both were a little amazed at how fast the traffic was going. The speed limit was 70 mph and both of us routinely drove about 85 mph, but we were getting passed left and right. When we kicked it up to 95, we still got passed. Apparently the good folks in Florida like to hit the 100 mark with regularity. We of course felt the need to keep up and in that car it was easy. We had the top down, although the day was a bit nippy, but the car conveniently had seat warmers and we were toasty as we tooled along. We listened to live versions of INXS from the UK and Aussie Switch CDs, along with other music and we played with some cute guy in a BMW most of the trip. We took turns getting ahead of each other, then he had to exit and waved good-bye to us and we continued. We had our goal and we had to get to it. We were going to see INXS. Squee for a moment with me. INXS! I had not seen the band since February and Jules had not seen them since May. Hot damn and apple pie we were going to see the boys!

We got to the hotel and casino, parked the car, grabbed our overnight bags with our make-up and change of tops and headed in. We found a bathroom and proceeded to put ourselves in concert mode. We left the bathroom and sat down and had a drink. One margarita and I was feeling it. When did I become such a cheap date? We both realized that we had not eaten anything all day. I guess our excitement had overshadowed everything else. We decided we should probably have something to eat before the show and headed back out to the car, put away our things and then drove to the casino to have the car valet parked for easy retrieval later. We wandered the shopping area that was between the casino and the venue and went into a motorcycle shop. They sold tricked out Harleys and they had some beauties. We looked around and picked out our favorites. There were signs everywhere that said not to even think about getting on a bike. We were admiring a particularly pretty one when a worker dude came up handed me a helmet and told me to hop on. He didn’t have to tell me twice. I sat and Jules whipped out her phone to grab a picture. While she was getting the camera ready, the worker dude told her she was too slow and took a picture with his phone. We then had to compare phones and picture quality and we told him the bike was all kinds of awesome. He told us that he wouldn’t let us buy it though. When we protested and pouted and asked why not, he whispered that it wasn’t worth 100 grand. Fuck me. I was just straddling a bike selling for $100,000. I’m glad I didn’t make it fall over.

We left the bike shop after a few more minutes of chatting with the dude and found a great Mexican restaurant nearby. We picked out some appetizers to snack on while we concentrated on the important part of the meal, the margaritas. This place had an entirely separate menu of them along with a long list of tequilas available for shots. This was my kind of joint. Our cute young waiter, Jose, helped us pick out margaritas. I had some prickly pear cactus one that was divine. Jose had never tried it so I made sure he snuck in a sip or two. Jules had some brand new concoction that had just made the menu and Jose had not tasted it yet either. Jose loved us before the night was over. A couple of margaritas later and we were ready to go. We got up and were going to head toward the venue when we decided that we needed to have a pure shot to start the show. We went to the bar and chatted to the bartender as we downed some really good tequila. We tipped the hot guy well, because he was friendly, and hot and we were feeling no pain. We then got up and walked toward the show.

Here’s another example of the god of Jasonology shining on us. We were almost to the venue when a guy sort of winked at us and asked if we were looking for tickets to the show. We asked him what he had. When he told us second row we became interested. We bartered a bit and Jules played bad cop while I played, well it was more like dumb blonde than good cop. We managed to get him to agree to let us check the validity of his tickets while only paying for one of them. After finding out that they were legit, we agreed to buy them and realized that stupidly we had paid for dinner with cash, and with all the booze involved that meant we spent a lot of cash. We went back to our friendly hot bartender and asked if he could please help us out. He let us run a credit card and gave us cash for the charge. What a sweetie. We paid the scalper and thanked him because we had managed to upgrade from row 22 to row 2 for only an additional $40 per ticket. Taste the lovely. We were getting to see the pretty up close and personal.

We went inside and venue and arrived midway through the opening band’s set. Speaking of the opening band, As Fast As, they were pretty damn good. Check them out on their MySpace page. And while I’m talking about opening bands, the band JUICe opened for INXS at the Oshawa show. They are a kick ass group. Y’all should definitely check them out. JUICe's MySpace page is here. I was fortunate enough to get to do an interview with Antony, the drummer for JUICe, for ROCKBANDLOUNGE.COM and you can read it here. He is a great guy. Seriously y’all, check out JUICe! While I enjoyed As Fast As both nights I heard them, I would have totally loved to get to see JUICe as the opening act. I guess you can’t have it all, though I’m always willing to try.

There we were on the second row on the left side of the stage, or as I think of it, Kirk’s side. The security woman by us was having issues with an ass down the aisle from us. Jules chatted with the woman a bit about the idiot and that would be a good thing, but I’ll get to that. When I heard the opening notes I thought I might be in heaven. It was like a dream, but it was real. I was there. Jules was there. And there before my very eyes was INXS with my sweet, sweet, sweet Batshit. I may have to pause here and take a few moments to compose myself. Fuck me twice on a Sunday morning he is beautiful to look at. At this point apparently Jules had a quick conversation with the security lady. She yelled at me a few times but I was oblivious and then she came and grabbed my arm and began to drag me. The security lady had told her we could go ahead and stand at the stage. Other people had begun to congregate there and security was half-heartedly trying to get some of them to move, but since we were given the official okay we moved as close as we could get. There was a person each in front of us, but we crowded up a bit and were right there. It was fantastic! We danced, we sang, we had a blast. The guy standing in front of me kept turning around and giving me odd looks. He was standing perfectly still and occasionally singing along. I think the first time I started pogoing he got worried. When I screamed something mildly obscene toward the stage he got more worried. When I danced my way down to the floor he looked at me like I was insane. I don’t know what he thought I was going to do, but it had nothing to do with him. I glared at him a bit and he left me alone from then on. Really if you’re going to stand right by the stage enjoy the damn show. Move. Sing. Give back some love that you’re feeling.

The concert was great, but the crowd was a bit subdued. The venue was not full and why more people did not fill in toward the front once security gave up making people stay in their seats, I’ll never know. Jason was a bit quieter and not as energetic as he sometimes is. He talked quite a bit and got a little introspective telling us about how you are the only you there is. Not you, but me. I’m me and you’re you and there is no other you and no other me and we’re the only us there is. Or something like that. I just enjoyed listening to him talk. He could have said anything. I’m easy that way. I felt like before I had even had time to take it all in the show was over. I was tired and sweaty and feeling a sort of afterglow. We walked out in a daze and decided we needed a drink.

We headed back to the same bar and there was a new hot bartender at work. He was openly flirting and pretty suggestive. Jules and I were amused and flattered. We had just worn ourselves out so we didn’t think we were looking our best but hot bartender man was okay with that. We downed our drinks and decided we’d better get on the road for the more than three hour drive we had ahead of us. As we walked through the mostly closed shopping area toward the casino different guys hit on us. It was freakish. Neither one of us knew what to make of it. We discussed it and both admitted that back in our respective hometowns this was definitely not the norm. We didn’t know what was going on, but we finally settled on the idea that we were somehow covered in Jason juice and therefore gave off a vibe that was sending a mixed message. The message should have been that we thought INXS was awesome and Jason made us hot, but apparently the message may have seemed to be more along the lines that we were ready and willing. We walked into the hotel and right as we entered a guy sitting to our right yelled out “Hey, I’m Jason.” Jules looked at him and asked “Are you Jason Fortune?” When he said no, she said, “Baby, then you’re the wrong one.” We waved and walked on. We got to the valet and gave him the ticket to get our car. Walking out right behind us was Wrong Jason and his two friends. They were young guys but they were cute and friendly. We chatted with them for a while and one of the guys told us we could call him Jason too if it made us happy. The other boy was much more serious and told us his name was Matt. Wrong Jason had told us to wait a moment and his Maserati would be there and I said sure, right after our Corvette. They then had to wait around and see the car because they thought we were lying about it. Serious Matt asked if we would please take him to Orlando with us, but we pointed out that there was no room. He offered to get in the trunk but he assured him there wasn’t enough room in there either. They were really funny guys and offered to let us go home with them instead of driving back late that night. We had to say no. Sorry Wrong Jason, Other Jason and Serious Matt. We drove though the long night way too fast and on a huge high. We stumbled into the hotel sometime after three and went to bed because we knew the next day we had yet another mission. More INXS!

We got up the next morning and haphazardly got ready and went to the House of Blues for an early lunch. We wanted to take advantage of their option to buy food and get a pass to move ahead in the line, since the venue was entirely general admission. We ate lunch and maybe had a drink or two and then chatted with various waiters and other personnel to get their feel for how early we needed to get in line that day. After getting wildly different answers we decided to go with the earliest time mentioned to be on the safe side, knowing we could always sit at the bar and have a drink if there was no line. Then it was time. We had to go return the car. We couldn’t justify keeping it for an extra day just because we wanted to. We told her we loved her and hugged her goodbye at the rental return and then cabbed it back to the hotel. We realized that time was passing quickly so we hurried to get ourselves into concert mode yet again, although it was early afternoon.

We arrived at the House of Blues about 3:30. The doors to the venue opened at 7:00. We looked to see if the pass line was forming, fully expecting that it wouldn’t be yet, but hell yes it was. There were probably ten people already there. We had committed to this experience and we weren’t backing down even if we had to stand for a few hours. We went and got in line. And honestly, for me, standing in line for a show is not too bad if the weather is okay. Soon we were talking to everyone around us and as new people came up we chatted with them as well. We found out what shows everyone had been to, if they were old school fans or new to INXS. We met some folks who participated on various Internet sites and compared notes. It turned out to be fun and the time flew by. The double shot margaritas may have helped our mood as well, but honestly there were fun people to hang out with and we ended up making sure we stood by some of them when we got into the venue. I also got to meet up with a couple of good folks from Rockband and it was so great to see them and chat. I love this crazy Internet connection thing.

When it was time to enter the venue Jules and I forged our way ahead and managed to make it to our desired spot, directly on the rail in front of Kirk. We had enjoyed standing in front of him so much the night before we didn’t want to change that. A couple of people we met in line stood to our right and some stood behind us in various spots and two sweet, young boys were on our left. They were amazing and so much fun. They helped block out and save our place on the rail when we took turns going to the bathroom and we bought them shots for their trouble. One of them was a huge INXS fan. He said he absolutely worshiped Michael and he had his own band and they were attempting to learn INXS songs. His friend was much more shy and had never been to an INXS show before. We teased him and told him it was required that he flash the band. We rocked along with As Fast As and went and got drinks and counted down the time until the boys appeared before us yet again. Then there they were. Yummy goodness of nature’s bounty. They were so close to us. The crowd was into it, we were into it, the band was into it. The show was alive. Can I just tell y’all that I can’t hear Suicide Blonde anymore without getting a little turned on. It makes me think that a show is beginning. I wish I could bottle the fun we had during that show and save it forever. It was magical. We sang and danced and screamed and pointed and immersed ourselves in the experience of it all. We got drinks of champagne when Jason was passing them out and we got sprayed with the remaining champagne later in the show. Tim and Gary both came over to Kirk’s side and we got to squee at them up close. Jason stood right above us so often that I lost count. He was in a much more energetic mood for this show. He seemed to enjoy it more. The crowd was more responsive so I can’t blame him. And while I’m talking about Jason can I just mention that he is smoking hot? I don’t know if I have made that point completely clear or not, so just to be on the safe side I’ll state it again. He is. Hot that is. Smoking. Hot. And he makes those around him feel hotted up as well. Like you could touch your cigarette to me and light it hot. Grab the fire extinguisher and spray me down hot. Stand back as I self combust hot. Wait, where was I? I’m all befuddled now.

The show was over and Jules and I went and had a drink with a couple of the girls we had just met. We decided to head back to our hotel to relax and have another drink. We went into the lobby bar and noticed one of the security guys for INXS walking by. That’s when Jules pointed out that as well as things had been going for us this trip it would make sense that INXS was staying at the hotel we had been staying at. And she was right. As we sat in the bar most of the guys walked into the bar. We were already seated at a table and were chatting and laughing about some things that happened during the standing in line portion of the day. We didn’t want to bother anyone and while a few fans and some friends of the band chatted with the guys we just sat back and enjoyed the atmosphere and had our own good time. We stayed until it was almost time for the bar to close, and then we headed toward our room knowing that our INXS binge was soon to be over. While we were sad about that we couldn’t be too sad because we had such a great time.

The next morning we were able to take our time getting ready and we had some juice in the atrium of the hotel before heading toward the airport. Some of the INXS guys were downstairs having a drink as well but once again we decided we really didn’t want to interrupt them and instead sat together and talked about when we could do this again. We got to the airport and decided we better eat one meal for the day because we weren’t going to be fed on the plane. We sat at an airport bar and while we were sitting there Andrew walked up and had a drink and then Jules noticed all the guys walking by. Jules ticked off their names and we realized that Jason was missing. We had an hour or so before I had to leave so we continued sitting there for a bit longer and Jules suddenly said, “There’s Jason.” I turned around and low and behold there he was. Oh my. Jules looked at me with a meaningful look and said, “Here’s your chance Statue Girl.” Oh my.

I stood up and walked that way and stopped. Conveniently there was a departure board for me to stare at and act as though I had a purpose to be standing where I was. I looked back at Jules and she was shaking her head at me. I can do this I told myself. I walked up to Jason and his security guy. They were kneeling down on the floor and seemed to be searching through Jason’s bag. I caught the security dude’s eye and politely asked him if I could say something to Jason. I am such a respectful wild-eyed fan girl. He said yes. I knelt down and began to tell Jason how hot he was and how I couldn’t believe I could even speak right now and how much I loved him and then I knocked him backwards and climbed on top and had my tongue in his mouth before the security dude could even react.

No, no that’s not exactly what happened. Oh, right, I was able to actually be coherent. I told Jason how much I enjoyed the shows and thanks and normal things like that. He was unfailingly kind and thanked me and apologized several times as he explained he could not find his passport. He seemed to feel bad that he couldn’t talk which was very sweet in my opinion. I rubbed his back and told him that I didn’t want to bother him and good luck finding the passport. I then forced myself to get up and walk away. I felt this odd urge to mother him for a moment because he looked so genuinely worried and on the verge of freaking out. It was a strange sensation mixed in with my desire to do dirty things to him at the same time. I was on the verge of freaking out. I walked back to Jules and she told me she was proud of me and that she knew I could do it. Personally, I was shocked at myself. I moved. I spoke. I broke the curse of my frozenness. Wow. I give total credit to Jason. I should give credit to Jules because she gave me a nice explanation about how I could overcome my stupidity, but I’m still wallowing in the Jason juice. I’m willing to give him credit for just about everything good in the world right now. Peace on Earth? Jason. Good hair day? Jason. Holiday cheer? Jason. Great sale on black boots? Jason. Finding I can speak in the presence of the Bat? Jason. He’s a dream. A magical power giving dream.

As Jules and I got ready to say good bye and get on separate planes we vowed to do this again. The count down until more INXS concert dates is on. Jules pointed out that it was destiny that this trip went so well. I was more than willing to believe that the god of Jasonology had prearranged our good fortune. Then Jules reminded me of the license plate we had seen on our drive down to the first show. We had just gotten into a good driving groove when we noticed the car in front of us had a personalized plate. It said: PRRRTTY. How could that not be a sign? In fact the trip was better than pretty. To quote our personal pretty talisman, “It ain’t pretty. It’s beautiful.” It was. It was indeed.

RockStar:Supernova ~ A Taping

I realized the other day that I had not added anything to this page in awhile. I tried to think of something to write about and could think of nothing. So what was I to do? Inspiration struck. I never added the post that I made at ROCKBANDLOUNGE.COM about attending a RS:SN taping to my blog. It was a way for me to add something with no creative brain power required. Here it is:

I was fortunate enough to attend a Rock Star Supernova taping on Sunday, September 3. Following is my long perspective on the event.

The way my day of travel began I should have worried about the upcoming weekend. I should have been irritable and frustrated. Instead I found myself becoming a Pollyanna about the experience and believing everything was going to be fine. Delayed flight? At least it was direct and I wouldn’t miss a connection. Being on a plane that had the thermostat locked on frigid? I wasn’t shivering as much as the girl sitting next to me. A shuttle driver who got lost and had to rely on a passenger to direct him to most of the drop offs? Thank God for the stranger who knew his way around. Being yelled at by a jerk on the same shuttle for not knowing how to find the hotel where I was staying? At least I wasn’t having to sit beside him. Yes, I was definitely in some strange world where nothing could dull my glow. I was going to a taping of Rock Star Supernova. No one was going to bring me down.

The day of the taping dawned bright and beautiful. It was a perfect Southern California day and I was so excited. Yet again this season I have developed a strange affection for these contestants, on what is in reality, a reality singing competition. I could not wait to hear the remaining rockers sing live. I was going to the taping with Cheryl, the owner of Rockband, and three other lovely ladies that are also members of the site. We got there at the appointed time, which meant there was a substantial amount of waiting around. However, we were in a shady spot and I visited with fellow Rock Star fans so it wasn’t a bad thing. (See there’s Pollyanna coming out again.) After the waiting we were ushered into the studio. I had been warned that is much smaller than it looks on TV so that wasn’t a surprise. The surprise for me was how much I felt like I had been there before. Although I’ve watched both seasons of Rock Star, I didn’t expect it to feel the way it did. It was strangely familiar.

The space began to fill and the buzz in the air became noticeable. People were primed and ready to hear some good music. That is one thing that sets this show apart in my opinion. The talent level is superb, with most of the contestants being seasoned performers who really know how to work a crowd. And the music is generally good rock and roll music. Those two things combined with the incredible talent and skill of the House Band serve to make the performances on this show rise to a level that I find exceptional for a television production. I caught myself looking around in a bit of awe. I could see the pod where the rockers would sit. I could see the House Band set up. I tried to take it all in. I was finally here. I had thought about going to a taping most of last year, but never did. I had said I was going to go this year and I kept putting it off, but now here I was. I made it.

We stood at the back, by the Supernova pod. I stared at it for a moment too. It was smaller than it seemed on TV, but otherwise it looked the same, the pillows, the table decorations, the throne-like seats. It had a sultan like feel to it. This aura was further enhanced when right before the taping began, a worker lit some incense on the table that was in front of Supernova. So during the show the smell of incense was wafting through the crowd. It only added to the surreal vibe of this experience.

The warm-up guy began to talk to the crowd and went through directions with us. It was a bit bizarre and funny to be instructed on how to clap with our arms high in the air. We practiced that, swaying our arms back and forth, and a single arm fist pump. I felt a little like I was back in grade school. The crowd was good natured about it all though. We also practiced screaming, cheering and booing as well. We were told we would be instructed when to cheer and when to back the noise down. As much fun as it is to believe that this is all happening in a totally real environment, this is TV so there has to do some direction. We also got to watch the reality portion of the show on the large screens that you can see on TV. It was fun to see that before the taping because I’m used to seeing it on Sundays at home. The crowd watched the show with interest and some verbal commentary, a bit of cheering and a boo or two. We didn't even need instructions for that part. Finally it was go time and the warm-up guy introduced Brooke.

The rockers were seated and Supernova and Dave Navarro were in their spots. This was it. Woo-Hoo! Brooke began her standard introductions and we did the required cheering. I was cheering for real, as I’m sure many in the crowd were. I was thrilled to be there and ready to hear what was in store for us. Are y’all getting the idea that I was excited? Because I was, I really was.

Dave started with the standard work through of the reality portion of the show. We got to see the supposed entrance of the rockers via a red carpet lined with screaming fans. I was at the the filming of the faux red carpet event entrance the day before the taping. It was fun and a little goofy.

First up was Dilana singing her cover, Behind Blue Eyes. She was carried to the stage and she sat on a stool due to her leg injury, but she still worked her performance hard. I enjoyed her voice during this song a lot. There was a lighting problem right as she began her original and she had to stop singing while they worked on the issue. She sat there for a bit and then after a few minutes she broke into Mercedes Benz by Janis Joplin. We all sang along with her and after she stopped we found ourselves discussing how none of us knew the name of that song. We knew it was Janis Joplin, but we couldn’t figure out the title. Google is a handy thing. Dilana then sang her original song, Supersoul.

There was some dead time between singers. So for a few minutes between each set I would look around and talk to my friends. It was during one of these times, I believe, that I saw Toby pointing out his parents. Since I know there is no sense in pretending that I’m not a Toby fan, it won’t shock anyone to know that I looked at Toby occasionally during the taping. I saw Mr. & Mrs. Rand in the crowd. In my mind I waved at them and said hello and told them how much I liked their boy’s voice. In reality I just noted that they were indeed there.

Magni sang next and opened with Back in the USSR. Confession time, I love Magni’s voice. There is something about it that I just thoroughly enjoy listening to. I have listened to some of his songs in Icelandic and I even enjoy those, although I can’t understand what he’s saying. Needless to say I really liked hearing Mags live. He sang his original, When the Time Comes, and I liked it too. He meshed so well with the House Band and it seemed as though they had been playing together forever. There was some really great music for the House Band to work with in his original as well.

I enjoyed Dilana and loved Magni, but to me things shifted into a higher level all together when Storm took the stage, and they continued that way for the rest of the night. Storm sang Suffragette City and Dave joined her on stage. It seemed totally natural, like they had been doing this together for years. Next came Storm’s original, Ladylike. I love this song. I have listened to it enough on Storm and the Balls MySpace site that I knew it and could sing along. The energy of this performance live was incredible. She had control of the crowd and we were hers. If I had any doubts before this, they are all gone. I will travel to see this woman in concert. I loved it.

Lukas started his set with a stripped down version of Livin’ on a Prayer. I liked the idea of this, and Lukas is compelling to see in person, but the song was just okay for me. I have listened to a lot of Lukas’ music with his former bands and I really like his voice, but until seeing him live I wasn’t too interested in watching his performances. That has changed. He grabs your attention and really holds it when he’s on stage. Next he sang Headspin, and I knew this song as well. Lukas was amazing on this song. He seemed to really enjoy singing his own music. I liked this song a lot already and getting to hear it live was a treat.

Toby closed the show. First he sang Mr. Brightside. I like this song and Toby did a great job on it, but I was so ready to hear his original that I may have not focused my attention on this song too much. When Toby starting singing Throw It Away I was thrilled that I knew his song as well. (If you’re keeping count I knew three of the originals, and to be honest, I’ve heard Mags in Icelandic. I have enjoyed this year’s rockers previous works in a huge way! And yes, I do know about the term addict.) I wanted to scream, “Yea! He’s singing a Juke Kartel song.” But no one could have heard me because everyone was truly into Toby’s song. The boy worked the crowd and had them singing along in no time. When he came over to the Supernova pod and I got to see him up close I was all flustered. Okay, not exactly. I kept singing along and screaming, but I bet if my brain had registered all that was going on I would have been flustered.

The songs were over with and there were a few TV things that had to be taken care of and then that was it. We were done. I was in a bit of a daze. I enjoyed every moment of it. The atmosphere reminded me a bit of going to a small venue concert and being surrounded by true fans of a band. Fans that while you don’t know them, you feel like you can easily talk to them. I had the impression that I could turn to strangers and talk to them about Rock Star without a problem. I don’t know if that’s standard for a taping, or if it’s because it’s later in the season, or if I am deluding myself. I suppose it doesn’t matter. It was a great feeling. So when next year rolls around and you have the opportunity to attend a taping of Rock Star Whoever Is Next, do so. It’s definitely worth it.

I had an incredible time at the taping. I had fun at the red carpet filming, and I had a great time spending time with friends old and new. All in all it was a wonderful weekend. On the flight home it rained and my luggage got soaked, but Pollyanna was still in full effect and I didn’t care one bit.

RockStar:Supernova ~ A Mansion Drive By

It started as an innocent fan related adventure. We were going to drive past the mansion compound just to look at it, a type of voyeuristic drive-by. We passed by the gates and the same moment we realized we were at the right spot. We turned around so we could actually look at the place the rockers were being held as virtual prisoners. I noted that there was a guard sitting in a chair outside the gates. Suddenly my mind began to wander. I began to feel sorry for those poor rockers, being held behind high walls and locked gates. Well, the gates weren’t locked right then. In fact they were standing open, but there was a guard. He might have even had a gun. He didn’t look like he had one, he looked bored, but you never know with guard types. I started to think that we needed to go visit the rockers. They needed some outside world contact. They needed some fan interaction. They needed something to liven up their lock down. Notice I’m saying needed. This was not about me at all. I was thinking about the poor deprived rockers stuck in that mansion. What would help them the most? Obviously it would be me and my band of new friends descending on them. Oh I like that idea, and it ties in with the Rock Star theme so well. I will now have to call our merry group the Band.

It was beginning to get dark and that made me feel positive my plan was a good one. If we hadn’t got a bit lost on the way to the mansion it would still be light and therefore the plan would have been harder to implement. I mentioned the necessity of visiting the rockers to the Band. There was some spirited agreement, some mild concern, and some outright laughter. I impressed on them how serious I was. This wasn’t about us. We needed to move past our own selfish desires (or fear of jail) and realize this was about a group of talented musicians who were being denied the company of fine people such as us. Finally I had them convinced, or at least convinced that I couldn’t be dissuaded. I laid out my idea. I got input from the more enthusiastic members of the Band. We made adjustments, we argued, we discussed details, we assigned jobs. Eventually we were ready to go. Our task was before us. We had to get into that mansion and spend some quality time with those sad and lonely rockers. It might involve risk. It might involve sacrifice, but when it came down to making the final call of if we were all up to this there was no debate. The Band, it’s full of givers y’all. We’re all about the love.

The plan involved us catching a neighborhood cat and placing it over the wall out of view of the guard. That was a little harder than you would think. Apparently the neighborhood in which the mansion is located is full of cat lovers who don’t let their precious felines wander freely in the big, bad, dog-filled world. Finally, after some diligent searching we found a cat. We checked and she had a tag on her collar. Since the tag had the owner’s name and phone number on it, we realized we would have to remove that tag. No need to bog the guard down with details like phone numbers, but at least we had a name to call the cat. Although I find it odd that someone named their cat Sardine, but I’m more of a dog person so what do I know. After throwing the cat over the wall, no wait, that’s not right, after carefully depositing the beloved creature over the wall, we continued.

Fortunately a house down the street from the mansion was having a party. There were cars lining their driveway and spilling out onto the street. We just parked in the line of cars and looked like another group of party-going locals. For some reason I was given the job of talking to the guard. I was told it was because I was a long way from home and therefore it would be harder to track me down if I was ever identified. I think it related to this being my initial idea, and if the guard was going to describe one of us to the police, it should be me. One of the Band had recently taken a self defense class and she swore she could render the man unconscious for up to three hours. All I had to do was make sure his back was to her so she could hit him in a precise way. I was getting ready to go when I stopped. “I can’t call the cat Sardine. That’s just stupid and it sounds made up.” A girl yelled at me, “You’re worried about the damn name of the cat? We’re risking our necks here, go play your part.” “I’m calling the cat Princess.” I insisted. “I refuse to go wandering around calling for Sardine.” There was some mumbling about me getting caught up in unimportant details and then I felt a hard pinch to my arm. “Ouch” I shouted, “what was that for?” “You need to look like you are about to cry” mentioned one of the Band, “you’re worried about your cat.” “Well you could’ve let me try to cry on my own” I protested. “Nope, it needs to be real,” she replied. And with that she pinched me again. “Hey, that’s going to leave a mark.” I snapped. I was told to get going and pushed out of the car.

“Here Princess, here kitty kitty kitty.” I tried to sound pitiful and scared as I walked down the street toward the guard. I could hear a bit of rustling behind me as the girls walked in the bushes beside the road. I made my voice a little louder after I bit down hard on my tongue to make my tears flow more freely. The guard must have heard me coming because he stood up and came to stare at me walking down the road. He asked if there was a problem and I spun my tale of woe about my cat running outside and how she is an inside cat and I was so worried about her. I admit I did not support the feminist cause at this point. I stuck out my chest as I let big tears roll down my face. The guard was a decent guy and began to ask what my cat looked like when it came running from out of the gates. Damn cat! Luckily the girls saw it and when the guard turned to watch it run away, obviously not interested in me, our resident kung fu expert knocked him out. We carried him to the car like we were carrying a friend that might have had too much to drink. We got him settled in the back seat and covered him with a jacket and made sure he looked comfortable. We might have been doing something slightly unethical to get to those rockers, but we aren’t without feeling.

We then strolled leisurely up the driveway toward the mansion. We decided that knocking would not be the right way to go about things so we walked right in. We called out names as we walked through the house. “Toby? Lukas? Is anyone around?” Magni stuck his head out of a door and we all walked toward him. He turned to say something to someone inside the room and we pushed our way in behind him. We were in the manly room. The room with the free flowing beer and pool table. All three of the guys were in there, but the girls were nowhere to be seen. They all seemed to look a bit taken aback that we were there. Magni looked doubtful as he asked who we were and how we got there. Lukas told him not to worry about it that we should just have some fun. A Band member explained that we had talked to the guard and he had let us come up.

Technically none of what was said was a lie. I did talk to the guard, and he didn’t stop us. So it’s all good. We explained that we were fans of the show and we just wanted to come tell everyone how much we had been enjoying it so far. We got to chatting and soon some of us were playing pool and Magni took one lady to go find Storm. We were having a really good time. It was obvious these guys were enjoying hearing about how well received they were in the outside world. A bit later Storm, Mags and the Band member returned. We all chatted some more and we were having fun when someone suggested a ghost tour. The girls were all interested in that idea, but I told them to go ahead without me. I stayed and played a game of pool with Magni who said he wasn’t interested in the ghost tour either. I suck at pool, but Mags was gracious as he trounced me. The group came back and were sad to report that no paranormal activity had been observed. Soon another game of pool was under way and we split into teams. Rockers versus Band members. With my large skills you can guess how well the Band did. Really it wasn’t about winning or losing though. We had already won because our plan had worked. We were in the mansion and we were relieving the boredom of the oppressed rockers.

I looked at my friends as they were talking with the rockers and thought back to last year when I had snuck into the mansion. I had felt the need to reassure a contestant that there was nothing to fear regarding the ghosts that might have whispered in his ear. Last year I climbed over the wall, this year I helped knock out a guard, maybe next year I can scale things back and just deliver a pizza. It struck me that it was a bit odd, but here I was again. It was like the circle of life. No, that’s not quite right because that calls to mind a lion about to attack and kill her prey. It’s more like the circle of Rock Star. I was smiling when I realized that my name was being called. “Hilly, are you all right? You seem to have spaced out there for a moment.” I answered yes. I was just fine. I looked at my watch and realized we had about fifteen minutes before we had to leave. Cinderella had her pumpkin coach and we had our unconscious guard. It’s all a matter of timing. Our timing this year? It was superb.

RockStar:Supernova ~ Ice Ice Baby

Like sitting in a handbasket of shit headed toward hell, this is starting to suck. I am feeling ever more attached to the rockers and I am beginning to hate to see them go. This happened to me last year as well. I get emotional during the goodbyes. It’s pathetic. I don’t know these people. I know the person we’re seeing on TV isn’t a true representation of the person either, but still here I sit feeling some odd connection and getting all sappy. At least I am aware that I cry easily so I can attempt to blame my tear-filled eyes on my tendency to cry for anyone. It doesn’t matter if someone is a winner or a loser, I’ll cry with them, or for them. Often I cry for both. It’s a sickness I have that I have finally learned to accept. I am a social crier. At least it’s not contagious. So goodbye Ryan. Dark, angry, angst filled, sensitive piano man Ryan. *sniffle* I think I’m tearing up again. Geez! Somebody stop me. (And that was a total shout out to Josh’s version of the Supernova Woo-Hoo song!) Okay, enough of this, on to other things. We’re at the mansion and it’s dinner time after the most recent elimination show. The remaining rockers are engaging in their traditional toast of blah blah blahs. "They were good people, we loved them so, too bad they were losers."

Magni: *lifting a glass* To Ryan, a great guy. Intense and talented. He will be missed.

Lukas: Hell yeah. I found his intensity intense in its intenseness.

Toby: Huh? Evs. To Ryan.

Storm: Yes, to Ryan.

Dilana: *starts to cry* Are you all saying you wished it had been me sent home? Is toasting to Ryan your way of saying that you hate me? You do, don’t you? You all hate me.

Storm: *sighs* D, don’t cry sweetie. This is only about saying goodbye to a friend that has left. We do it each week. It’s not about you.

Dilana: Yes, it is about me. I was in the bottom three. *starts sobbing* It’s because I was honest this past week. I can’t help being honest. I’m an honest person.

Magni: I suppose dedicating a song to yourself is definitely honest.

Lukas: *laughing* Well Magni if she was feeling that way then obviously she had to be honest and say it. She speaks the truth.

Dilana: *begins to shake from crying so hard*

Storm: *rolling her eyes* C’mon guys. Lighten up on D.

Toby: Dilana, you know all of us, except Luke, have had to sing for survival in the bottom three. As the group gets smaller it’s just going to happen. That’s the truth.

Dilana: *gets up and runs from the room crying*

Storm: Dammit boys now I have to go check on her.

Magni: No, Storm you really don’t have to. She’s an adult.

Storm: I know Magni. It’s just my way. I have to. *sighs and leaves the room*

Lukas: I want to talk honestly for a moment. I honestly can’t stand all the crying and drama. I’m exhausted from being around it. I’m Dilana drama’ed to death.

Magni: This was supposed to be about saying goodbye to Ryan.

Toby: You’re right Magni. To hell with this. *raises glass* To Ryan.

Lukas: To Ryan.

Magni: To Ryan. And while we’re being so honest I will say that I am honestly happy that I wasn’t in the bottom three at all this time. I feel pretty great about that. To me too.

Lukas: *laughs* You should feel great. *raises glass again* To Magni!

Toby: To Magni. The Iceman cometh.

Lukas: The Iceman is on fire.

Toby: He’s so hot he’s warming up his entire country.

Lukas: Iceland’s melting.

Toby: What’s that? Is that the sound of a nation slipping out of their winter coats and into their bikinis and shorts? Iceland is now a tropical paradise.

Lukas: Who knew when Dilana wrote that song about bringing your lotion and your thong she was talking about Iceland. Damn, Magni you don’t own a thong do you?

Magni: *laughing* Enough guys, enough.

Toby: But Mags I was just about to start singing to you. *begins to sing* Ice, ice baby.

Lukas: *laughing, starts dancing and doing the background sounds to the song*

Magni: Hell, no. I’m leaving if you idiots don’t shut up.

Toby: *laughing* Okay, okay. *raises glass* One more time mates. To all of us!

Lukas: Yeah. We’re still here. We’re talented and we are drama free.

Magni: I will drink to that. In all honesty I will.

Hiss & Venom ~ Snakes on a Plane

Today was the day. You know the day when the world as we know it changed. The day that the movie we’ve all (or at least I’ve) been waiting for, Snakes on a Plane, was released. Today. Finally. I went with a good friend of mine who was willing to go because I begged, threatened, whined, blackmailed and finally simply asked really sweetly if she would go with me. We were going to go to an early movie and go out for drinks afterwards, but due to work issues she had to push back the time. Since I was going to have to wait until 10:00 to see the movie that I had been waiting months for I decided to console myself with a margarita or several. By the time she got here I was happy and extra excited to see the movie so off we went.

Somehow we still managed to get there late, but we found seats in the almost full theater. The ads and trailers finished playing and the screen went blank. We waited and nothing happened. We waited some more and the crowd became unruly, not in a bad way, but in a smart ass way. A guy stood up and looked back toward the projection room and yelled that he saw a snake. Some other guy had a flashlight (WTF?) and used it to make shadow puppets of snakes on the movie screen. It was quite entertaining. People began to hiss, not boo, but honestly hiss. Finally the opening music filled the theater. We all cheered. The reaction to various parts of the movie made it feel more like an event than just a movie. When Sam Jackson first appeared onscreen people cheered and whistled. During one portion, a part that had been previously shown on a trailer, part of the audience said the words along with Sam. During the now infamous “I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane” line almost half the crowd yelled it out along with Sam. And I will freely admit I joined in with them all, and then there was a big round of applause. I came to the conclusion that there was a nice-sized section of the crowd familiar with the Internet hype that has surrounded the movie. No one was taking this movie too seriously and the mood was raucous and fun. People were laughing as actors were killed off in various bizarre and obscene ways by a multitude of snakes. Snakes of every size, shape and color. Snakes, snakes, and more snakes. The movie lives up to its title. There were snakes on a plane. Bunches and bunches of them. Snakes in bad moods. Snakes looking to pick a fight. Pissed off snakes out for blood.

The movie was what I hoped for. It was a campy, quasi-horror, action flick that made me laugh a lot. I screamed a lot too. The very first time they showed a few of the snakes most of the crowd screamed and then started laughing. Due to the mood of the theater there was a lot of laughter-laced screaming. We all seemed to be enjoying screaming almost every time a snake did its nasty killer thing, and that happened a lot. A whole lot. I think I screamed in real shock or fright twice because I had let my guard down, the rest of the time was just for pleasure.

So you may be wondering if this movie changed my life. Well, yes. Yes it has. There are far too many things for me to list here, but I will mention a few. I am now much more aware of what to do on a plane if a shit load of snakes begins to slither through it. Obviously first you should panic. Then you should scream and freeze for a few moments. Then you should start running and pushing and shoving people out of your way, knocking them down and stepping on them if you need to. Finally you should find Sam Jackson and stay beside him until the flight lands. I also now know I will never get on a plane leaving Hawaii and accept a lei from a flight attendant. If I do get on a plane leaving Hawaii and everyone is blindly accepting leis from flight attendants then I will look around and make sure Sam Jackson is getting on the plane. I have learned so much. Did y’all know that some snake bites can kill within minutes while some won’t kill you at all? This was such an educational movie. Did you know that if you are bitten by one of the killer type of snakes that the more time you waste getting the proper anti venom the more likely you are to die? It’s true. Who knew this stuff? The proper snake wrangling, herpetologist-speak for this would be “Time means tissue.” I am a smarter person because of this movie. I could almost feel my brain growing while I watched it. I should have gone to the ticket counter and offered to pay more because of what all the movie gave to me. The final thing I will add to my long list of life changing lessons learned from SoaP, is that joining the mile high club has its drawbacks.

By the way, if you really want to get the hooked into all the Internet buzz on this movie you need to check out Snakes on a Blog, it’s full of information. Also, one of the funniest videos I’ve seen related to this masterpiece of cinematic artistry is Someone Tell Sam Jackson He’s My Bro. Actually there is a lot of good stuff on the ‘net made by fans. The creativity shown by some people has really made the ride up to this movie so enjoyable.

So what is my final take on SoaP? Would I recommend it? Is an Inland Taipan the deadliest snake in the world? Well, hell I don’t know for sure, I just Googled it quickly, but let’s pretend I got it right. What I’m saying is go see the movie. Take your friends. Take your family. Take a total stranger. You will be a better, smarter person for it. You may even become richer, better looking and more lovable. It’s that good. It will change you life and the lives of people around you. The movie is exactly what it says it is. It tells you what it is in bold letters. There are snakes. And they are on a plane. You need to see it. The snakes don’t want you to see it. They are evil. They want you to stay home. Sam wants you to see it. He is a snake-killer. He is a hero. Go see if for yourself. Go see it for your loved ones. Go see it for the good of the world. Go see it for Sam Jackson.

RockStar:Supernova ~ Vegas Baby

We see the rockers enter the HARD ROCK HOTEL & CASINO after having exited their HONDA RIDGELINES while talking on their VERZION WIRELESS V-CAST PHONES! (Yes, the pimpage was a bit much this time around.) We join the crew with the party already well under way. The alcohol has been flowing free and easy, much like Tommy Lee.


Lukas: Fucking rock rolls. I mean fucking rolling rock. I mean, shit this rocks.

Toby: T’does. I’m wasted. This place, fucking love.

Ryan: It is quite an experience. I feel like I’m learning exponentially the ways of a rock star. It only increases my desire to pursue this opportunity. I am enjoying myself and actually feel like the cloud has lifted, if but for a moment.

Toby: Hell you say? Cloudy? ‘Bout to rain or sumthin?

Lukas: We’re inside. Don’t matter.

Toby: ‘Side a penthouse baby!

Lukas: Fuck yeah!

Ryan: No. No guys. I mean this environment is helping to lighten some of the darkness that resides inside my soul. I feel pleasure. Please, don’t mention rain. I am free of the rain right now.

Lukas: Pleasure? Where’s your drink?

Ryan: I have a drink, but I don’t need to get drunk to feel exhilarated now. And by the way guys, you might want to slow down a bit. The night is still young and the lovely ladies that are beginning to arrive will, more than likely, prefer to actually understand what you are saying.

Toby: Mrumph. Wha? E hanvg frum.

Lukas: Damn, Toby. Can’t understand a word you’re ... Toby? Toby? You asleep man? It’s a party. WOO! Fucking Vegas. WOO! Whoa, I need to sit down a minute.

Ryan: Lukas I think Toby may have passed out. Lukas?

Lukas: Need to sit down.

Ryan: Lukas, you are sitting. Are you okay?

Lukas: Gonna sit down for a minute.

Ryan: *sighs and walks off*

Zayra: Ryan, what are those boys doing? Will they not join in the party?

Ryan: Z, I think both have passed out, missing out on the joy that is surrounding us.

Zayra: Joy? You’re speaking of joy? *looks incredulous* Excuse me. I need to share this information.

Zayra: Storm, Patrice have you girls heard that Ryan has found his joy?

Storm: Joy, shmoy. Have you seen the fucking hot tub? The things I can imagine doing in that are joyful. The things I can imagine doing in that with my boyfriend are mind blowing. Damn. And the bowling alley, or bowling lane to be correct. This place is awesome. Let Ryan chase his joy, who wants to bowl? C’mon! Where’s Dilana?

Patrice: She’s talking to Tommy. Tommy Lee. Y’all we’re partying with Tommy Lee!

Storm: Fucking Tommy Lee! Hell, let’s go bowl girls. Chicks to the alley!

Dilana: Tommy, I just want you to know that I want this job. I’m the one you want. I’m the winner. I am your lead singer. These other fuckers can leave. Pretenders, players. They aren’t your real deal. I am.

Storm: *smooches TL and grabs Dilana by the arm* C’mon D, it’s girls night at the bowling alley. Rack ‘em up and knock ‘em down!

Zayra: Has anyone seen Magni?

Patrice: He’s talking to Ryan. I think Ryan is telling him about his joyous feeling, but Magni looks a bit worried. Look at the number of Vegas tarts surrounding them.

Zayra: They are hanging all over Ryan. The man needs to find his joy more often.

Patrice: Aw, I feel bad for Magni. I’m going to go remove the tarts attempting to stick to him and get him to bowl with us.

Dilana: Vegas tarts? That sounds pretty good. Anyone else hungry? Let’s see what they have in the spread that’s been set out.

Storm: Good idea. Let’s bowl while we eat. Hey, where are the terrible two?

Zayra: I believe Ryan said that Lukas and Toby have passed out.

Storm: Pussies. They can’t hang with the big boys. And that my dears, would be all of us. We’re gonna feel like shit tomorrow but it’s gonna be worth it. A toast to Vegas, fucking Las Vegas!

RockStar:Supernova ~ BJ & Me

Dammit and just dammit some more. I really thought I would be more into blogging about RS:SN by this time, but so far it’s not happening. I’m not entirely sure what’s wrong but I’m going to blame it on the band. That would be Supernova, not the House Band, because the House Band is wonderful and divine and I watch in large part because of them. Supernova does not hold my interest or earn my increasing affection like INXS did. I know that has nothing to do with my fake conversations, but I need a convenient scapegoat and the SN boys are handy. I think last season was easier for me because I was, perhaps, just maybe, more attached to a certain contestant. I do have a favorite this time around and I like several others, but it’s not in the same obsessed manner. Pffft! After the last performance episode when Toby used the megaphone I thought Bottle Jason (BJ) was going to have a fit. It’s a good thing his cork is gone or he would’ve popped it. He seemed to have an issue with Toby using that particular prop on Rock Star. I tried explaining to him that the use of the megaphone was not his alone, but he refused to be pacified. Finally I had to tell a small lie and say that I thought Toby’s entire performance stunk and I hated it. Personally I thought it was a pretty damn good performance. I loved the intensity. I really didn’t like the megaphone that much. I couldn’t understand what Toby was saying as he sang through the freaking thing and it frustrated me. I couldn’t tell BJ that though. So far he has had very few good things to say about this season. In fact I think I’ll just transcribe a few of his comments for y’all instead of trying to make up voices for the rockers that I’m not quite hearing yet. BJ is really snarky for a former bottle of red that once exhibited aromas of sandalwood and toasty oak, with a hint of juicy black raspberry and a long plush finish. (I’m not making this stuff up. Read about it here. He's a 1999 vintage, BTW.) I think I may craft him a tiny sparkly megaphone just to make up for the trauma caused by watching Toby sing Burning Down the House. Bless BJ’s stickered-on over his label heart.

When the opening music comes on BJ usually kind of grooves to it and I get excited to see what’s to come.

BJ: I always hated this filler shit at the beginning. Let’s get to the music! Oh, that’s right Gilby’s going to play with Dilana. This should be boring.

Me: Boring? I thought you said Dilana was entertaining.

BJ: She was until I got tired of the act. It seems contrived and I’m tired of it all. The first show she was freaky and a bit scary and it was an awesome introduction, but now, looking back it was just the first in a line of okay singing and predictable acts. Yawn.

Me: But don’t you think having Gilby play will spice things up a bit?

BJ: Gilby? Clarke? Have you listened to INXS? Have you heard our guitars? No new revolution there. Um, next. Oh, no it’s Jill.

Me: Oh no? I thought her version of “Alone” on the elimination show was really good.

BJ: You are such pushover. I’ll say that “Alone” didn’t suck. See I can be nice too. She’s going to scream at us. Just wait. And she’ll probably skip around the stage. When you are shorter than the average teenager you shouldn’t skip, you look like you’re in gym class. We’ll get screaming and skipping and some massive swinging of that magically growing hair. I’m dirty? No, Jill you’re not. You’re sort of dusty and it’s only a light coating that can be wiped off with just your hands. I think I’m losing my mind.

Me: I think she tries, in her own way.

BJ: She’s going home soon. Who do we have up next? Ryan. Anger boy. What the hell does Brooke mean somewhere in this theater? Oh shit, this is insane.

Me: I’m kind of digging it. I like the intense anger.

BJ: *rolling his googly eyes* This is a theater performance not rock. The black stipe isn’t even done that well. The feathered thing he’s wearing is bizarre and I swear he looks like he would like to kill someone on stage to add to the act. And I think it is an act. If the man was in that much anguish and his heart felt so much blackness he wouldn’t just be wearing a pimped up hoodie and painting his face. We would be seeing stories about him on the news and the neighbors could say, “I always knew he was a freak” as opposed to “We never saw it coming.”

Me: Hey, BJ why don’t we go in the kitchen and get a drink about now. Maybe a snack. C’mon.

BJ: We’ll miss the next song and it’s, wait, what did they say? Storm is next. Oh, shit. She’s singing “We Are the Champions.” Is that why you wanted me to leave the room? Did you think I would have a problem listening to this song? Is that it?

Me: No, baby I was just thirsty. There is no reason you shouldn’t enjoy hearing this song. No reason at all. Isn’t she a smoking hot girl? Really, just look at her.

BJ: You’re trying to change the subject, but okay I can go with how hot Storm is. I’d be tempted to let her drink from me any time.

Me: Hey, wait a stinking minute here. I may have a girl crush on Storm, but you are my bottle, and I will recycle you in a moment if you start running, er rolling around on me.

BJ: Baby, you know there’s no one else for me. Who else would learn to sew just so they could make tiny clothes that fit on a bottle? You’re my beautiful girl, heaven sent, the one I want by my side.

Me: *misty-eyed* Aww, BJ. I don’t know what I did before you came into my life.

BJ: You dreamed of me, baby. Storm is hot though.

Me: *glaring*

BJ: Of course I say that mainly because I love her sound and the way she performs. She did okay on that song. Not great, but really that is a shit song and no one should ever have to sing it.

Me: Oh boy here comes Zayra.

BJ: Yes! I wish you would start shopping where she shops.

Me: I think there are far too many men are thinking the same thing right now. “Honey, if I bought you a gold lame cat-suit and some fuck me heels would you wear them while singing and dancing for me?” You know what women are saying to that question? “Shut the hell up. If you want to see a stripper go to down to the Black Orchid Strip-O-Rama and stare all you want. In fact here are some ones to stuff in shoes and g-strings. Enjoy, 'cause it ain't happening here.”

BJ: But you like to dress up sometimes in ... *muffled sounds as I accidently cover BJ’s mouth for a moment, accidently*

Me: Hum, she’s singing “All the Young Dudes.” There are a lot of those out there voting for her I bet.

BJ: You know she is in no way the right choice for this lame ass band, but I want her to stay around until the very end. I feel like she’s the prize in the cereal box. You know you’re going to be disappointed with it, but you want it so much that you make yourself sick eating the whole box just to get to it.

Me: You know you can just dump the cereal out into a container. You don’t have to actually eat it all.

BJ: Whatever, I stand by my analogy. Here comes Josh. Hey, Tommy sit down. You don’t need to play with him. Dammit, you know this won’t go well.

Me: Josh has a great voice but I don’t think he is that interested in what Supernova is putting out there.

BJ: Are any of these guys that interested in what Supernova is putting out there? You heard that Woo-Hoo song. I felt like I was in a time warp.

Me: Josh had a kick ass version though. It was hot. In fact it was really hot. That one series of lines? Wow.

BJ: Oh quit it, you know he’s going home soon too. Jill, Patrice, Zayra and Josh are the next ones going. I’m not sure of the order, but that’s my call. Unless the dudes are smart and keep Zayra around. Damn, I hope one of them is smart enough to do that. This is TV and we need to be entertained.

Me: Magni’s next. Yea, Magni’s next. I just like him.

BJ: He seems cool. Even I kind of like him. Oh, he’s going acoustic. Go Magni. Hey that was pretty good.

Me: Eg fer, he was amazing, simply amazing. *sighs*

BJ: Shut the eg fer up and just say he was good. Here comes Patrice. Poor girl.

Me: What do you mean poor girl?

BJ: She stands no chance against these other women. Sure she can sing and if it was solely based on vocal talent she would be much higher up the food chain, but it’s about presence baby. She’s up against Dilana, Storm and Zayra. She pales.

Me: And Jill, don’t forget Jill.

BJ: I didn’t. The instant karma didn’t get to her. No shining on.

Me: Lukas is next. The spoilers were blown away by his performance.

BJ: What the fuck is he wearing? Does he have on some type of glove? He’s Canadian.

Me: What does being Canadian have to do with anything?

BJ: I don’t want him dressing in stuff Madonna got rid of in the eighties. I want him to represent. And shit now he’s jerking around like he’s being shocked. Agh. I guess that was okay. At least he showed one of those other sides of his voice he talked about. Still a glove. Lace gloves.

Me: And now it’s time for Toby. The Tobster. Mr. Pretty Eyes. The leader of the Down Under Gang.

BJ: Are you finished?

Me: I can go on if you like.

BJ: No, that’s enough. You seem to really ...

Me: (interrupting) Shh! I don’t want to miss hearing him sing.

BJ: What the fuck? What the hell? That’s a ... shit.

Me: Um, um, it was um. Hey, it’s getting late.

BJ: I was going to grudgingly say that I thought Toby did okay and was showing a newer edge but he brought out the damn megaphone and just forget it.

Me: Technically, Zayra brought out the megaphone.

BJ: Burning down the house? I’ll burn down your fucking house. I did that last season on Rock Star. Granted it was my season and this season is nothing like my season, but still. You tell him Dave. It’s been done.

Me: BJ sweetie, I don’t think Dave is necessarily referring to you. It’s been done by other artists as well. Not only you. And to be technical, you weren't on the show exactly.

BJ: Screw technical. In essence I was there. I, or we, or whatever were the first on this show to do that. Only me, or us. That sucked.

Me: To be objective it really didn’t. It was intense and though I couldn’t understand a word he sang through the megaphone I appreciated him trying to mix things up.

BJ: You did? You liked it? Have you lost your mind? He sang through a megaphone. On Rock Star. Who is sitting on this pillow beside you? Do you remember last year? Do you remember who’s your man? Er, your bottle? Your bottle-man?

Me: *sighing* You’re right. Now that I have thought about it you’re right. That sucked. It was awful. What a waste.

BJ: Thank you. I knew you were smart. You followed me so you have to be smart. Toby just blew this whole competition.

Me: I don’t know if I would say ...

BJ: (interrupting) Yes, he did. He doesn’t stand a chance now. You’re going to have to pick a new horse to back baby. Your blue-eyed wonder boy just screwed up.

Me: *thinking fast* Hey, I read that the Food Network is having a special on meals made in wine country. Do you want to watch that? You might see some friends and family.

BJ: Okay, that might help calm me down after the catastrophe we just witnessed. I would like to know how the grape crop is coming in.

As I hurriedly changed the channel I realized that I would have to control how much I let my Toby fan girl show herself, even in my own home. Dammit and dammit some more.

RockStar:Supernova ~ Manly Men

I was out with some friends this weekend and we were having a good time at a local bar that we usually enjoy when the evening’s entertainment arrived. Holy shit did they suck. There is no sense beating around the bush and being diplomatic. They sucked. Their name was the SomethingOrOther Refugees, but I decided their name should have been the Trailer Park Refugees. They looked like they had just stepped free of the meth lab for their one night out per month, shower not required. And before you think I’m way too much of a bitch you must realize that by making fun of them I am in essence making fun of the very area I call home. *sigh* It ain’t pretty when the pretty are missing their teeth, and losing their hair. One of my best friends had an idea to help me celebrate an event that has taken place recently in my life. She went up to the Trailer Park Refugees and asked them to sing Free Bird. One guy gave her a confused look and said, “huh?” and then ignored her. She attempted to ask the woman in the group and she told her she had never heard of Free Bird. Dude, we live in the South, everybody has heard of Free Bird. My friend then asked the remaining guy, the scarier one of the bunch (which is saying a lot) and he said, “Nope, don’t know it, ain’t playing it.” That’s when we decided it was time to go to a different bar we like. If you don’t know Free Bird then get in your truck that’s held together with duct tape and chicken wire, and go check on mama and daddy to see how well the latest batch is cooking. Okay, go ahead and think I’m way too much of a bitch, but c’mon, it’s Free Bird!

We wandered down the street and arrived at the other bar and hot damn, it was a no cover for ladies evening. The guys that were with us complained but we walked on in and ignored them while they dealt with the bouncer made of solid stone. We stalked groups of people who looked like they were getting ready to leave until a table opened and we settled in to listen to the entertainment. The bar is supposed to be a piano bar, but what that means is they have two pianos constantly in use along with occasional guitars and drums. There are three people who alternate among the instruments. They will accept almost any request and if they don’t know it they make it up. Actually they make up a lot of stuff and if it’s your birthday, beware! If your (soon to be former) friends let the folks know it’s your special day they will force you to sit on top of a piano and sing you a song so dirty that bikers blush. No kidding y’all. Two separate people experienced this in all it's humiliation while I was there. I can’t decide which song was worse, the guy’s or the girl’s, but since it wasn’t me I found them both funny in a sick way. Anyway, my friend immediately wrote her request on a five-dollar bill (that’s how they prefer them, wonder why?) and carried it up to the stage. Thirty minutes later still no Free Bird. We had been forced to listen to Friends in Low Places and I Touch Myself, plus a really good Sweet Child O’ Mine and Bat Out of Hell, but nope, no Free Bird. My friend had now decided she was on a mission and took another five, wrote on it in more detail, pulled her shirt down a bit lower and went and whispered in one of the male performer’s ears. Believe it or not that made a difference. Within five minutes the dude was explaining that while he didn’t know all the words, and who really does, he knew the tune and he was playing Free Bird for Samantha to celebrate her recent emancipation. If anyone wonders, my name is not Samantha, but it’s the name I answer to on nights I go out with my girl friends. We came up with faux names to protect the innocent. I don’t really know how I got Samantha, but it involved an interesting discussion about Sex in the City, Glenn Close, airplanes, and rabbit stew. Whatever. I stood up and screamed and high-fived my friends and a few total strangers. Woo-hoo! We were getting Free Bird. I like the song. I don’t love it and want it played at my funeral, but I do like it a lot. Truthfully the song had sort of moved beyond simply wanting to hear it in a vague way to it being a necessity that we heard it that evening. The guy was right about only sort of knowing the words. However, the other man knew a few more and together they pieced it together well enough and more than made up for the lack of knowledge in enthusiasm. There were a lot of ad-libbed parts involving ooohs and woos and free, free, free. The crowd was laughing and trying to sing along but could only really join in on the part of the chorus they got right. Still, it didn’t matter. We got Free Bird! Take that you stoned out refugees.

Well hell, that has to be the longest, most unrelated introduction to a hamster channeling I’ve ever done. I was going to try to explain that I’ve been indulging in a bit of bitchiness of late, but I don’t believe that story even proves that point. So, I’ve been a bit bitchy of late and therefore I think I’m a bit mean spirited. I’m still not quite feeling the singers this year and the hound dogs of Super Who Cares really, well I don’t care. I also am only “hearing” some of the rockers because some of them are either being so quiet, or being edited where we don’t see them enough, that I can't get any feel for them at all. I can only make up crap when I can delude myself into having an honest starting point. I’m going to go with the little talk the guys had after the last elimination round where Phil got his dismissal from the hatchet man. We saw part of this conversation on the reality episodes. I’m still having trouble with a couple of the girls’ voices so I’m going to wait and hope one of them gets dismissed soon and makes my life easier. (Since one of my recurring themes is how it’s all about me.) Here we are, the boys are in the manly man room drinking beer and being manly men while they discuss their ire at the fact that Phil was sent home.



Toby: Lukas, what do you think the Supernova dudes are thinking letting so many of us dudes leave and keeping the chicks? I just don’t get it mate. It’s not right.

Lukas: Sucks. Phil was all right. Shit.

Ryan: It makes me angry. *glares out the window* My thoughts are burning in my head right now. The darkness starts closing in if I dwell on this moment.

Magni: *sighs* Phil was a hell of a guy and a good singer. He’ll be missed, but guys we all have talent. Remember that.

Toby: Fuck it all mates. Phil was a good one. He didn’t deserve to be booted. We gotta stop the killing off of the guys.

Lukas: Fuckin’ right. Chicks keep stayin’, guys keep payin’.

Josh: I just don’t get it. I don’t get Supernova. Why Phil before the others?

Magni: It was his time in their mind I suppose. I hate saying goodbye. I hate this part so much. *gets up and leaves the room*

Josh: We have to stop the losses guys. No more hatchet-man for the men. *walks off singing softly to himself*

Ryan: They’re right you know. Saying goodbye is hard and tears at my soul. I’m tried of seeing people I care about having their dreams crushed and their hearts stepped on. It’s making the blackness of the world that much more apparent and I’m hurting from all the darkness. It’s time Supernova sees a new side of our side. We have to bring them what they want. *walks off mumbling* I need to write. I need to release this pain. I need to let the beast escape.

Toby: Lukas, what the fuck is Ryan talking about? What darkness, mate? The guys lost again. It sucks, but who the hell is in pain? Sometimes he scares me a bit.

Lukas: Shit yeah. He’s a little intense. I need a beer.

Toby: Yeah, me too. I’m still angry that Z is still here and Jill too. Did you see the way Gilby ran away from her when he was playing?

Lukas: *laughs* Yeah, Gilby didn’t dig the grinding. I’m all for some grinding now and again, but I wasn’t feeling that either.

Toby: No one was feeling that mate. You don’t want one of your band mates to look scared on stage and Gilby looked like he was caught in a trap. I don’t think I’d want Jill grinding on me either.

Lukas: Wouldn’t want Storm to either. Scares me.

Toby: Me too mate. She could kick our asses. Dana’s too little sister for me and I’m loving Dilana, but not in a rub-on-me-on-stage kind of way.

Lukas: Then there’s Zayra. Too pissed at her staying to care. Patrice, nah. Not that either. Damn.

Toby: I’m just too mad that the guys keep leaving. But hell all this talk of grinding is not good for a bloke stuck in a house with a bunch of chicks that have boyfriends.

Lukas: Damn household arrest shit. I need another beer.

Toby: Me too, but I think I’m going to go take a shower.

Lukas: Whatever, I’ll drink yours too.

Toby leaves the room quickly while Lukas sits down with his two beers.


Yeah, it's not much, but I'm trying to get there. I hope as more hamsters leave I will care more. Who knows? A quick note. Zayra, like her or not, sings occasionally with one of my newest favorite bands. She joins them for a song on two different albums. If you have never listened to Blue October please consider giving them a try. I think they are wonderful! If you go to their MySpace site and scroll down there is a player on the left side of the screen where you can listen to some of their songs. The song "Into the Ocean" is one of the two that Zayra sings on. You can also listen to songs from each of their albums in the Media section on their web site. I highly recommend their stuff. All of it!

Finally, it's time for my recurring pimp theme, Snakes on a Plane, the best movie ever to be imagined by mankind is coming soon, August 18th to be exact. Don't be one of the 448 people on earth that doesn't see this movie. C'mon y'all and join in the SoaP movement!

RockStar:Supernova ~ Mess of Meh & Toby

I've been watching Rock Star Supernova and I’ve been trying to get all excited and wide-eyed happy about blogging for the new show and the new baby birds. The first episode of the season I had got dressed up in my best rocker garb. Which sadly meant torn up jeans, a black tank top and black wedge sandals. Woo-Hoo. Quick someone call the Fashion Tragedy girls, or not because I think I would bore them to death. I did wear every necklace I owned, so I had that going for me. I cracked open a bottle of grape juice (bottle Jason doesn’t like any other wine bottles in the house) and sat down with BJ to absorb the new New Sensations. I was not overwhelmed that first night. It didn’t suck, but it didn’t make me immediately want to watch it all again either. I asked BJ his opinion, because he can speak from experience about being on such a show. He likes to whisper his thoughts in my ear as I cradle him next to me. Okay, so he doesn’t whisper anything, but if I speak to him just right he makes that cool low “mmm” sound that you get whenever you blow across the top of a bottle. I promised BJ I would not become so addicted this year. I swore that my life would not become consumed by a television reality show. So far that promise has been quite easy to keep. The three bears, or to be correct the three hound dogs: Pained, Humper, and Shaggy just don’t have me in their thrall like INXS did. And if you’re wondering why I’m calling Jason Newsted Pained it’s because so far he seems to often have an unhappy look on his face when the camera turns to him. That is unless Zayra is singing because he knows he will soon ask her to be his forever apple dumping in wedded splendor or he will offer to let her lick him clean later that evening, whichever he’s in the mood for. But you know, if I think about it, he doesn’t look too happy even contemplating that last prospect. I imagine the names Humper and Shaggy are self-explanatory.

Who knew this was going to be hard? I really thought from an initial glance at this years group of rockers that I was going to get a handle on the little insane voices in my head quickly and easily. After all, last year’s crop of hamsters seemed to make it easy for me to dream up conversations and pretend like I knew them. Maybe it was because I waited until later in the season and I felt like I had been given hints at their personalities. Or maybe, just maybe, this year’s bunch of “rockers” is populated by bland posers and boring wanna-bes. That’s mean of me. Not every one of the contestants is like that. There are a few names I can remember without looking them up first. Dilana’s name comes to mind. I didn’t particularly like her “Lithium” performance but I could not look away, she scared me a bit and I kind of liked it and then I felt worried about myself. I cannot discuss what she did to “Ring of Fire.” Okay, yes I can. Sucky suckage of suckiness. I will freely admit I am inordinately attached to Johnny Cash. There are some reasons and they probably need to be dealt with in therapy but suffice to say that I have a hard time with people screwing with Johnny Cash music. If it’s really good, I can grudgingly deal with it, but this made me want to take Elvira down, down, down. I ... I ... gah. I don’t dislike Dilana but I disliked the shit out of that performance. I don’t care if I can hear her voice in my head or not right now because I have to get past her messing with my Johnny. Bitch.

So who else is there? To me there is a big mess of people that I don’t know much about and I don’t know if I care to know anything about. Jenny, Josh, Storm, Patrice, Dana. Meh. Some of them can sing well. Some of them seem like nice people. Yawn. I think Phil can look really good at times and then sometimes I wonder why I ever thought that. As for his singing, oh who am I kidding, I usually base a lot of my opinions on superficial reasons at first. I am as shallow as a puddle.

Magni is getting a lot of love over at Snarkgasm. I find him oddly enthralling. And that disturbs me somewhat, but I don’t know why. He does seem incredibly kind and I can’t help but like that. It makes me think of MiG and feel kind of squishy and warm in my blackened heart.

And then there was Jill. That thing that she did was just eww. No. She should have been eliminated right there on the spot for the wedding dress, dead flower fiasco. I don’t care that she’s tiny and in some under represented minority class. Crappy rock impersonators under five feet. Whatever. That stunk. It actually made me cringe and look away.

Zayra. Hum, what to say about her. I like the drama. I can’t help but love her smart ass attitude with the dog boys. But when she had a little mini-orgasm during her song I kind of felt the need to get up and leave the room. If she had been looking at the House Band playing I could have understood. Look at any of them. *sigh* I can never pick a favorite. Just when I think I have, I watch someone else play like they were made specifically to do just what they are doing, and I change my mind. Yummy. Oops, I was talking about Zayra wasn’t I? Whatever. I really don’t have anything more to say about her. Thinking about the House Band drove all coherent thoughts out of my head. Those boys can turn me into a giggly fan girl in a heartbeat. And I'm okay with that.

Lukas confuses me still. I don’t know that I want to like him, but I do. I think he did come to win and he doesn’t care to state it. I don’t have a problem with that. I know it was cruel to call on sweet naive Dana and ask her to be a meanie, but really wasn’t it a little like accidently running over a cat and then stopping the car and shooting it to put it out of its misery? Not that I’m advocating shooting Dana. She can sing, but she is like 15 (or 22, whatever) and the dogs would kill her on a tour. I think she even scares them a little because she is so fresh and shiny new. I don’t know if Humper has seen that in a long, long time. But back to Lukas. I don’t have a voice for him yet. He seems matter of fact to me and it’s hard to make up crap about someone like that. I’ll have to give it some time.

I feel like I can a hear a couple of the boys. Not very well, but a bit. I don’t know if I’m hearing Ryan exactly or just being mean to him. I’m not sure there is a difference. I’ll try.

Ryan: Where the hell is my edit? I was pushing the JD edit and I got some good face time during that first reality bit, but now I’m like that ugly cousin you were forced to go to the prom with. I’m standing against the wall and no one is asking me to dance even the jerk my mom gave money to bring me. What happened to my arc? I’m not a